Breaking

So yesterday I broke. I was sobbing in the shower. My hands were covering my head and I was sobbing. It was painful and wonderful. I have not been able to cry for months. It felt good. I also figured out why this was happening. I was reading the third book in a series and the two main characters were in love. I realized that i want someone to care about me that way. I also realized that I thought no one ever would. I also realized that I have always been too afraid to tell anyone that that is what I really want. I always play the happy sidekick and am usually okay with just being a friend. I do want someone to care about me though and not just in a friend way. I want them to think about me and call me and want to spend time with me. I also realized that that is okay and normal to want. I never thought I should admit that to anyone, that for some reason I was different and would never find that. I still haven't found that but maybe one day. I also realized that I want something extraordinary to happen in my life. Something that doesn't happen to anyone else and is wonderful and beautiful. Something cheesy like the whole Twilight thing or becoming a famous something. I want to be loved by the world as well. Well maybe. I just realized that something extraordinary needs to happen and I am waiting...Something will happen. I can feel it.